Black Girls and Their Possible Selves
This past year I spent at least 100 hours writing my dissertation. In it I focused on a theory titled “Possible Selves” and its impact on Black boys. Essentially, the theory proposes that how one sees themselves in the future impacts their current motivation and actions. If one sees themselves as an attorney they take school seriously because they know they need to get into college, law school, etc. Pretty simple, right? Not for everyone. I argued that black boys struggle with creating a positive possible self for themselves because role models are so scarce. They don’t have many examples of positive people and careers so they often just settle for what they see in their neighborhood and community. Consequently, you have Black boys representing high rates of students suspended and expelled, special education courses, and drop outs. I know this research like the back of my hand. It wasn’t until today that I realized my possible self has also been limited.
As black women, we have an advantage in the sense that Black women are the fastest growing group of educated people in this country. They are opening businesses, going to grad school, starting nonprofits. Black women are killing it. They have constructed a positive possible self- professionally. Today while in my own reflections I dug deeper. Yes, as a doctor I clearly saw a positive possibility for myself. Yet, after I take off my designer clothes and makeup. I am left trying to piece together a positive possible for myself personally. As black women we are faced with constant reminders that we are sexual objects, baby mamas, single mothers, side chicks, and angry black women. We are rarely portrayed in the media as a loving wife and mother. And if we gonna be honest it’s rare that we see healthy relationships in our family or communities. I thought to myself, have I also internalized this battle and succumbed to the possible self shaped for me by society? You may wonder where all these epiphanies came from. It started the moment I decided to have a vision board gathering and did some research on questions to ask before creating the actual board. Here are the questions I sent to my girlfriends:
1. What is my vision for my life?
2. Am I ready to live my dreams?
3. Who do I need to be to achieve my dreams? “New dreams will require you to let go of your old habits.”
4. What are the recurring patterns in my life?
5. What’s working and not working in my life?
6. What will I do differently?
7. What am I afraid of?
8. How much of my past is shaping the way I think and what I do?
9. What do I need to let go of to get what I want?
10. Am I willing to take responsibility for everything that happens in my life?
I was stuck on number one. As a young girl of course I had visions, but never a plan. I began to ponder what life might have been like if I had this notion of planning. As mentors to Black young girls I have provided them with these questions so they can start to envision and plan for their future. If Black kids are equipped with not only dreams but a plan to make it there success stories will become more common rather than an anamoly seen as a miracle. We must give the dreams and a plan.